I wrote a blog post today before this entry. I felt very good about it. Maybe even proud of it. Without warning the article vanished in the multi-tasking of the day. Between checking facebook, keeping my guys on task, sorting laundry, filling the wood stove, a photo shoot between gremlin filled cameras and rain, editing text, editing content, rewriting a 3rd final draft, the latest (or prior post) took me about 7 hours to complete. I had saved the post several times, in fact, every time I walked away from my desk. I went to poke the fire , chew on a phrasing issue and think, but when I came back to my desk I met a crashed safari browser and my desktop starring back at me. Not a sign of the draft anywhere. I had placed the last photo at the end of the text. All I had left to complete was a caption, adding tags and it was ready to send off for proofing. What a crestfallen moment of the day when I realized it was lost to the Great Eater of all electronic documents. It seemed so crummy to work so hard despite what was already a rocky start. Today my car is on the fritz, my back up rig is broken, and the gas can is empty I normally use to fill the empty farm truck. I had to cancel lunch with a friend. My husband is working long hours 7 days a week and works 90 minutes away and can’t help me problem solve. Our fridge is wonky and not working properly. To compensate I have to unplug it every few hours until the part to fix it arrives. I unplugged it and the plug fell deep behind the stove. I have to move both to get the plug out. My day seemed to be spiraling in a sinking fashion into a pool of irritation, snappiness with my sons and an over all plunge into self pity. SELF PITY. Nothing stinks more than that. I decided to go soak my head in a hot shower that I had put off in order to get the blog posted today. My initial intent was to write two blog posts today that I was very excited about. Not happening. The shower would be long and self indulgent. While I was in the shower I heard a still small voice remind me of my yesterday. Yesterday I had been given news that my father no longer had any signs of Parkinson’s disease in his body or brain. An unexplained medical anomaly . Both his father and his younger brother had suffered with the disease before passing away. It was tragic news to my father and our family and friends when we learned from two doctors he had this disease, and it would probably escalate into Alzheimer’s before it was finished with him. My Father is 72 and very, very much a doer. He won the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP for Arm Wrestling 2 years ago. WORLD CHAMPION ARM WRESTLER AT 70! He is not a man who sits in an armchair and watches the world go by. I was was riding an emotional high when two extensive rounds of testing could find no trace of the the disease in his body. It was an, “unexplained miracle”the Dr. said. There was a clear explanation to me. After I got over myself I frankly had to ask my director and coach a question. It sounded something like this as I sat staring at my keyboard,
“Okay that blog didn’t go well and all I had written is gone forever. I am frustrated at a few different junctions and levels. So Lord, what was the agenda I missed in writing the story? What was it that you wanted me to say? Help me find that place in my writing so I am not just a clanging gong. Help me start over with a fresh agenda that lines up with yours.”
That is going to have to be the blog entry for today. And as much as I thought I was sharing something for my readers, I believe I have been given the opportunity to learn something for myself instead. I read a good reminder from a friend this morning. I should have taken it to heart earlier in the day.
“Be grateful in all things (not for) all things.”
A few inconsequential setbacks and I had already lost my grateful heart from the day before. What had I done? I’d given up in frustration. I won’t let my day or life be defined by mere setbacks in life. I’m bigger and better than that. I have more strength in my spirit and a newness every morning. So, here is a toast to the next post ahead of me. A toast to the one I lost, and the head clearing I found. I am excited to find out just what that next post will be. At the end of the day I do know that life is more about The Greatness Of Gratitude then the setbacks we might temporarily allow to define us. I am certain that a grateful attitude will carry us through life the same way self pity will bury us. I choose to be grateful.